The Sports Informant

In honor of the June 24 release of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” I thought I’d compare the Sacramento Kings, once the city’s biggest heroes, to the band of mechanically magical aliens we grew up loving as cartoons. These are specifically characters you saw on the big screen in the “Transformers” big-budget movie two years ago, but surprisingly resemble some of the players Sacramento fans will be watching this season.

Optimus Prime: Paul Westphal

The semi-truck turned leader of the Autobots (the good guys) dedicated his life to protecting the earth from the Decepticons (the bad guys) while carrying the load of the end of the world on his shoulders every single day.

I thought about comparing Prime to Kevin Martin, the shooting guard/small forward given the key to the city with his multi-million dollar contract. The expectations were high for Martin to lead the Kings back to the promised land after he sat in the top five in scoring in the NBA two years ago, but he’s since vanished thanks to injuries and constant defensive pressure. He’s also proven he cannot be a leader when asked to be, and what would Optimus Prime be if he buckled every time Megatron (Kobe Bryant) came to town?

Will the real Optimus Prime please stand up? Ah, there you are, Mr. Westphal. Glad you could join us…

If Sacramento is going to be saved this season, and drug out of the NBA cellar, it’s going to take a heroic effort by new head coach Paul Westphal. Coaches have come and gone in Sacramento like destroyed minor characters in an action flick, but Westphal has the lengthy history to back up a reputation Kings fans hope turns into respect by the players. If Westphal can gain any kind of control over his troops, and put the talent he has to proper use, the Kings may be able to fight off evil once again.

Bumblebee: Bobby Jackson

Bobby Jackson slices down the lane last season. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Perhaps the third most famous Transformer after the big-budget movie, Bumblebee (originally a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle) was Sam Witwicky’s Chevy Camaro in

the movie. Loyal like a labrador, Bumblebee offered up his life on several occasions to save Sam, using his speed and ability to communicate through his radio to protect the feeble human he grew to love.

No player exemplifies loyalty in Sacramento like than Bobby Jackson. The 11-year veteran spent five years with the Kings from 2000-2005, becoming a fan favorite before being traded to Memphis, then to New Orleans and Houston. His triumphant return to Sacramento last season could have been marred by limited production and a small role on an ever-changing team, but fans never seemed to notice. He drew the loudest roars and consistently played his heart out for the city, constantly diving for loose balls, even when the team was down 20 points in the fourth quarter. Jackson is a rare commodity in professional sports, he plays for the love of the game, and fans recognize that and love him for it.

Jazz: Francisco Garcia

Francisco Garcia is a vocal leader for the Kings. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Jazz, originally a 1983 Porsche 935 Turbo, was the smooth-talking Pontiac Solstice in the film adaptation of Transformers. A connoisseur of music, Jazz originally disoriented his opponents with loud sound. He’s officially the second-in-command for the Autobots, known as Prime’s right hand man.

More like “Latin Jazz,” Garcia is the vocal leader of the Sacramento Kings. He’s passionate and loud, excitable and eager. He makes the most of his time in the spotlight, looking for the ball and an opportunity to score whenever possible. While Prime runs the show overall, it’s Garcia, and Jazz, who get their fellow soldiers pumped up for battle.

Irohnide: Jason Thompson

Jason Thompson dunks. He likes doing that. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Ironhide, originally a 1959 Nissan Onebox Vanette, was the GMC Topkick pick-up truck in the film version, and is the rough and tough head of security for the Autobots. Acting often on impulse, he’s eager to fight and often calls for battle against Deceptecons, even sometimes against the orders of Prime.

While I don’t think Thompson disregards coaching orders, it was painfully obvious last season that Thompson is the Kings’ bruiser. Never afraid of contact, Thompson battles bigs several inches taller under the hoop for position, and loves nothing more than slamming home an easy two points. Finesse isn’t his game yet, he’d rather put his head down and head to the hole, even if it sometimes ends up being a reckless move hurting the team more than it helps. He’s a little gun happy, too, like Ironhide, but Thompson’s shot isn’t quite on the mark. Give him a break, he was a rookie. In the long run, his aggression is beneficial to the team, as he’s the guy you want on the front line when it’s time to go to war.

Ratchet: Beno Udrih

Point guard Beno Udrih needs to patch the team back together. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Originally a 1960 Nissan Onebox Vanette Ambulance, Ratchet got an impressive makeover for the film version of Transformers, becoming a Hummer H2-based Search and Rescue vehicle. Ratchet is basically the staff medic, but with Transformers being mechanical beings, he’s more of a mechanic. Intelligent and cautious, Ratchet helped mend wounds on his teammates and fill holes when they were desperately needed.

Beno Udrih filled the same role as ratchet with the Kings two years ago. He stepped into the point guard position and made magic happen, becoming a glue that held a team in disarray together enough to have several successful showings against the league’s top teams. Then he got a new contract and everything changed. With the pressure on to carry the team’s offense, Udrih buckled last season as turnovers piled up along with the losses. If Udrih can get back to being the medic helping fix the team’s deficiencies instead of a leader thrown out in battle to fight, he can get his form from two years ago back and help the Kings win again.

For the sake of a lack of recognizable characters to the general public from the animated series and not enough Autobots in the film, I’m going to use a few Deceptecons in comparison to Kings, too. It doesn’t mean they’re no longer the good guys…

Devastator: Andres Nocioni

Devastator is one of the more interesting Transformers characters because he is actually several characters in one. In the film, he’s the M1 Abrams tank set out to destroy. It’s what he does best. But in the cartoon, he’s a combination of all six Constructitcons: Hook, Scrapper, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Scavenger and Bonecrusher. Don’t get too confused, the film separated Devastator and Bonecrusher as two different characters, but for our purposes, they will be one. In the film, Bonecrusher was the Decepticon who attacked Prime on the highway to Mission City, and the animators modeled his fighting style on hockey and football players.

I wanted to keep Bonecrusher and Devastator together simply to better resemble Andres Nocioni. Nocioni, a trade from Chicago last season, has all the intangibles a player needs to be successful in the NBA, much like Devastator had all the Transformers he needed to destroy others. Nocioni is big, but has a sweet touch on his shot. He’s a bruiser inside, but has excellent fundamental moves both around and away from the basket. He’s a brute on defense that will commit a hard foul when asked, but intelligently breaks down his opponents both on offense and defense. Nocioni, like Devastator and Bonecrusher, can destroy his competition when he needs to.

Frenzy: Spencer Hawes

Spencer Hawes has the fundamentals to be a long-lasting pro. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Frenzy is a Decepticon that fits the group’s name. His specialty is deception. While he’s often small in stature, he’s sneaky and misleading in every action he commits. In the cartoon his shape is that of a cassette tape when he’s not in robotic form. In the film, Frenzy is the spider-looking spy robot that transforms into a boombox, then later into a mobile phone.

The biggest disagreement I have with this comparison is that Frenzy is one of the least intelligent Transformers created. While Hawes often shares the wet-behind-the-ears look, he’s wise well beyond his two years, and has proven he can be both the focus point of the offense and defense when needs be. Much like a cassette tape is one of the least impressive looking transformations, though, so is Hawes’ body and style of play. He’s not overly muscular, doesn’t have fancy moves to dazzle the fans and sure doesn’t plow through any of his competition physically. But he “plays” his opponents like a mixed tape of fundamentals, using up fakes and simple hook shots to score and well-timed and placed positioning to get rebounds. He’s a threat on defense, too, timing blocks with perfection.

And the comparison you’ve all been waiting for… (You didn’t think I’d leave out K-Mart, did you?)

Starscream: Kevin Martin

Kevin Martin is Sacramento's star. (Photo courtesy Greg Ashman)

Starscream is Megatron’s second-in-command, but always looking for a way to take the lead as head honcho of the bunch. His manipulative plans sometimes cost the Decepticons a victory, but his physical abilities are nearly unmatched by the majority of Transformers in existence. He’s faster than the sound barrier and can fly, which is obvious in both his 1976 F-15 Eagle characterization in the cartoon and his Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor jet form in the film. Technically, he’s the unit’s air commander, but he’s also itching to be the leader of all troops, just isn’t sure how to become it.

It seems kind of ironic that with Megatron fitting the description for Kobe, Kevin Martin would be Starscream trying to ursurp him. While Bryant’s not a member of the Sacramento Kings, Martin has always been in the shadow of Bryant, even at Arco Arena. Two seasons ago, with Martin at the height of his game, the rivalry between the two teams hit a new level. After three quarters of a regular season game at Arco, the Kings led the Lakers by double-digits while Martin provided some of the best three offensive quarters of his career. But the fourth quarter saw Megatron strike down Starscream again, as Bryant held Martin scoreless the rest of the game with his defense, then went off offensively to bring his team back from behind for the victory amidst a disgraceful Sacramento crowd chanting “MVP!”

But let’s get all the negative implications out of the way. Martin’s one of the good guys to Sacramento fans, and he’s not the second-in-command of his own team — he puts the “star” in Starscream. With the ability to take over a game at any moment, Martin’s the explosive F-15 Eagle soaring through the air with an arsenal of explosives just like Starscream, and without him the Kings would be a hapless bunch begging for a bucket.